Can I come to your lesbian wedding? And other such questions

Hey guys!

I’m taking a break from beauty / book blogging today to talk a bit about my wedding planning so far and some of the troubles we’ve faced along the way. As most of you know I’m a girl and I’m marrying a girl (yay!).

One of my favourite photos from our engagement photo shoot!  Photo credit: Rowell Photography
One of my favourite photos from our engagement photo shoot!
Photo credit: Rowell Photography
Our engagement shoot! Photo credit: Rowell Photography
Our engagement shoot!
Photo credit: Rowell Photography

Although there are obvious perks to being with someone of your own sex (doubling your wardrobe, two sets of boobs, etc.), there are also some downside (aside from two periods). Even though society is changing and people are becoming more and more accepting, there are still plenty of closed-minded people out there who believe that two people of the same sex should not get married. Why? I wish I knew. Last time I checked, my marriage won’t affect anyone else’s life. My straight friends who are married don’t affect my life so why should I affect theirs or anyone else’s?

Planning our wedding has been incredibly fun so far and even though we’re waaaay over our initial budget, we’ve agreed on everything and that’s made things so much easier. But there have also been some struggles along the way, for example: finding a wedding photographer who we can feel comfortable with.

First off, we’re not big on PDA (public displays of affection) so that wasn’t really an issue, but again, there are a lot of homophobic people out there who might not want to photograph a lesbian couple, or if they do, they could just as easily make us feel incredibly uneasy. So when we were researching photographers, we limited our search to thoseย whose work shows that they’ve photographed lesbian and / or gay couples. We felt that if these photos were displayed on their websites, then the photographers were likely to be pro-gay or didn’t find any problems with two girls getting married. Needless to say, our choices were pretty limited, but we found two incredible photographers: Erika & Ryan from Rowell Photography who were so down to earth and easy-going that having our pictures taken for our engagement shoot was actually a lot of fun! Em and I were basically just laughing at each other the entire time. So really, just another normal day for us! ๐Ÿ™‚ You can check out some of their work here.

The reason for my writing this blog post actually came from reading a post on hellogiggles.com 18 Things Lesbians Never Want to Hear where the author of the piece lists real questions she’s been asked regarding her upcoming wedding to a girl and just general questions about being in a relationship with a girl. Aside from the troubles of finding a wedding photographer, we’ve encountered our share of ridiculous questions so I thought as a sort of continuation to the hellogiggles post, I would list some of the questions we’ve been asked.

Here we go:

1. I’ve never been to a gay wedding, can I come?ย 

I actually borrowed this question from the hellogiggles post because it seems to be a common question. Honestly, I’m not sure why anyone would think this question is an appropriate one to ask. Yes, we are two girls getting married, but why call it a “gay wedding”? As far as I’m concerned, there will be a marriage, food, photos, dancing and a whole lot of fun so why do we need to categorize this as a gay wedding rather than just a wedding?

2. So, are your parents ok with this?

This being getting married to a girl, though maybe it could mean something else. If someone is asking this question then chances are, they’re not your close friend as your close friends probably know how your parents feel about you being in a relationship with someone of the same sex. So again, I don’t know why anyone would think this is appropriate to ask. First off, why does it matter to you what our parents do or don’t think about our upcoming marriage? And second of all, you’re being nosy instead of actually caring about any troubles we may be having with our parents.

3. You’re already together. Do you really need to get married?ย 

Well, we’re in love and just like any other couple who’s in love, we have a right to get married (at least in all of Canada and some of the US). Besides, it’s about equality.

4. Before we got engaged: So who is the one that’s supposed to propose?ย 

Who’s supposed to propose in a straight relationship? Why does one person in the relationship need to be designated as the one who proposes?

5. Are you a virgin?ย 

I was actually asked this by a doctor once when I went in for a routine STI and AIDS test. A DOCTOR! True, this doesn’t have anything to do with our upcoming wedding, but it was just one of the many ridiculous questions I’ve been asked.

6. After opening the car door for Em: Huh, so you’re like the guy in the relationship?ย 

Why does opening a car door for my significant other make me the “guy” in the relationship? It’s just a nice thing to do. And last time I checked, we’re both girls and we don’t invite men into our relationship so there is no guy in our relationship.

7. How did you know you were gay?ย 

This seems to be the first question everyone asks me after finding out I’m gay. Answer: How did you know you were straight? I just happened to like girls as early as kindergarten.

8. Do you have gaydar? Can you spot who’s gay and who isn’t?

I really don’t think there is such a thing as gaydarย even though I totally called Cate Blanchett’s love for the ladies! (Really, it was just wishful thinking that came true.)

9. You’re so pretty! Are you sure you’re gay?ย 

What do looks have to do with sexual orientation? There are pretty straight people and pretty gay people.

10. I wish I could be a lesbian! Isn’t there just less drama with a girl than a guy?ย 

A relationship is a relationship no matter who you’re with: there will be ups and downs, fights and makeups and a fair share of drama.

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