I promised that my next blog post would be all about my wedding bliss, but after the events of this past weekend, I’m left feeling all kinds of emotions:
- Heartbreak for all the lives that were lost too soon and the families that are now left torn apart
- Heartbreak for the LGBT community for its tremendous loss
- Sadness that someone decided to end so many lives and leave fear in so many others
- Confusion as to why the LGBT community is being targeted when all we’re doing is living out lives
- Pride in witnessing the immense love and support from the LGBT community and its allies from around the world
- Pride in hearing about how many people have courageously come out in the face of all this fear
- Love for my wife and love from our friends and families
A friend of mine shared a post on Facebook today that really hit home. It’s written by someone I don’t know and yet his words are my words and I feel what he’s feeling.
The calculations that he’s mentioning are something I know too well. I remember when Em and I were together for maybe about 2 or 3 years, we were walking through a crowded subway station in Toronto, holding hands, and minding our own business when a man walking in front of us kept turning around and staring at our hands, at our faces, back at our hands, forward, back at our hands, forward, back at our hands. In that moment, I felt fear. I had no idea what this man was thinking or why holding Em’s hand fascinated him so much. I wanted to let her hand go and pretend like nothing had happened, but I didn’t. I held her hand and we walked into the subway car and went about our business. Nothing else happened and the man didn’t bother us again, but these kinds of things happen all the time. People stop and strike fear into you just because of your sexuality or because of who you love.
All I want to do is love my wife, live a happy and healthy life together, have some babies, raise them well, and enjoy the time we have together. Why does that result in my having to constantly make these mental calculations about whether I should hold my wife’s hand today or whether my calling her “babe” or telling her I love her in public will spark enough rage in someone to want to hurt us.
Why did the people at Pulse have to die when all they were doing was having a good time in a safe and accepting environment? And why do other people now feel the need to make threats against Pride Parades around the world? Why is there so much hatred in this world when all we need is love? Why can’t we all love and respect one another and learn to share this beautiful planet with each other?
My list of questions can go on forever, but unfortunately, no one can seem to give me any clear answers, or at least answers that make sense. The only thing I can think to do is just go about my life and fight hatred with love and compassion. Maybe if we all show a little more love and compassion, things will get better.
I promise my next post will be about my wedding and I’ll share all the details of the happiest day of my life with all of you because Love Wins! It just has to.